Saturday, February 27, 2010

good news

well - due to being upset for the last couple week - i made appointments with my specialist at Penn ( who i haven't talked to since all of my tests were completed) and my primary care doctor - Dr. Kuhar- to get an unbiased opinion of what i need to do now and with surgery. Wow am i glad that i did! Dr. Fox at Penn told me that he could no longer feel the tumor in my lymph nodes - " it is gone!" which of course is great news since i still have 3 treatments left to kill any little stubborn cells. He said that i am responding better than they could hope for and they are hoping for me to be cured - so i am headed in the right direction - woo hoo! of course they all tell me that they have no crystal ball and that they can't rule out recurrence - BUT they are "blasting" me with the strongest chemo and they will watch me like a hawk for 3 years (after that chances of recurrence drops significantly) so that if i do have recurrence they catch it early. i , of course, will have worry in the back of my mind for a while - but we are thrilled that i am responding so well - and i need to just focus on that right now!
As far as surgery is concerned - we are not 100% sure until i have talked with everyone - but after Tad and i have talked about it - i will do whatever i need to do to reduce my chances of EVER dealing with this again - which could be rather extensive. i will keep you posted on details as we are closer to that time. right now it is looking like surgery following the end of chemo in early May.
So that is the update for now - i feel so much better about things - and will continue to kick this crappy cancer! I just cannot wait to have the chapter in my life done. On the other hand - Max is SOOOOO cute and i want to freeze him in time - so i guess i will enjoy the adorable and good with the bad!
On a fun note - i booked a beach house for the last week in June to celebrate the worst being over - i cannot wait to have a fun week with my girls - i will need it like i have never needed it before!
Love to all -
ps - sorry for the grammar - i do this when i have 5 minutes - doesn't happen to often!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

half way there!

hello everyone - tad was right - it is Sunday and i am ready to slowly join the world again. so here is the newest.

It hasn't been the easiest week or two. it started last week when we were snowed in - i was drinking my morning coffee and watching the Today show. There was a story about a fox news reporter( about 40ish with young children) who was going through chemo for a rare type of breast cancer called Triple negative. As i listened - i thought - this is ME! None of my MANY doctors had ever labeled me as triple negative - but her details were exactly mine. It means that you are NOT estrogen responsive, Progesterone responsive or Her2 positive. This kind of cancer is particularly aggressive and has a high rate of reoccurring. Tad came in from shoveling (again!) and i told him. He agreed that it sounded like me , and i left a message for my oncologist to call me. when he finally did - he confirmed that Yes i am triple negative - but "i was so hopeful that they didn't want to spoil my upbeat attitude". so now i feel like the wind has been taken from my sails. i know that i will beat this ( it doesn't change anything about this round), but i know that i have to make some changes in my life so that i can keep this monster away! Where i was thinking that all of these "negatives" where a good thing - not so much! so it has been an emotional roller coaster as well as a physical one this time around. I am frustrated that my doctors thought it was their choice of what to tell me and what not to. Did they think that i would NEVER find this out?! And isn't it good to know so that I can take care of myself the way i need to! SOOOOO i am going to really research some homeopathic ways since they tell me " there is nothing they can do to keep it away". Not the words that i want to hear - or that i will accept! I WILL be here for my kids and i WIll do what ever it takes to keep myself healthy - and if this happens again - i will kick its ass again! so that is where i am at now - back to being feisty. Christy and Debbie - get ready - you are going to have one strong willed girl to train this summer!

As tad said before - this is starting to feel like FOREVER! - but we are making it and will be stronger for it!

So - i know - lots of exclamation points this time - but i think kinda appropriate!!!!

after i get moving again - there isn't much to tell - so i will write in a couple of weeks. in a month i will start to discuss surgery options with my "team" so i will keep you all posted on that.

thanks - as always- for all of your loving words and thoughts - our family loves you all


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

#3 already - half way there

So, it is Wednesday evening - well past my bedtime and as tired as I am; I cannot sleep. Sam had her third treatment yesterday and like clockwork, the chemo has hit her and she has begun her bad week. She seems to be a bit more nauseous this time than previous treatments. Cooper seems to be taking this one a little harder as well and Max has accomplished pulling himself up on everything! And me, well I am hanging in - I guess. For whatever reason, I am having a bit of a difficult time with this one. Sometimes reality hits me in the face like a ton of bricks and things get tough. It is very difficult to watch a loved one go through this up and down roller coaster. These first three treatments have flown by, yet I feel like we have a long road ahead of us. Sam has done well, probably handled things about as well as can be expected. I just have to remember to take things day by day.

But anyway - you have logged in to hear how Sam is doing, so I will keep it focused on that. As I mentioned earlier, we are into day two and that is when the chemo starts to hit her hard. For the next couple of days, she will basically be in bed resting and recouping. As wonderful of a mom and planner that she is, Sam has set up play dates everyday for Cooper starting tomorrow and going through Sunday. That will be great for Cooper to play with all of his buddies and keep his mind off of things. By early next week, Sam will start to feel better and I am sure she will update the blog on how everything went.

Thank you all for your support - I am sorry this is not the most upbeat blog ever written.

- Tad